2021.10.28 10:15 ballgame9 Who else just wants to feel wanted?
TL;DR: I’m affectionate and need to feel wanted. She tells me that “knowing I love you is enough”. But I need to give & receive affection.
Would love any guidance from others dealing with basic dynamic. I’m (47M) otherwise happily married to the coolest girl (47F) I’ve ever met. She is my person. We’ve been together for 25 years, married for more than 20. We have three great kids and a amazing life. We are both super active, involved & engaged parents, we have a blast together and have a big, fun extended group of friends. And our sex is mind blowing (sorry if that’s TMI lol).
The issue is that I am affectionate. I love contact. I love holding hands. I love sly looks across the room at a party that say “I see you and already know what we should do when we get home”. I love texts in the middle of the work day that say “just thinking of you and wanted to say hi.” I love absolutely anything that says “you are important to me and I want to be with you.” I love a random touch on my forearm in the middle off of dark movie theatre. You get the picture.
Other than the holding hands on occasion (when I grab hers lol) absolutely none of those things have ever happened once to me in our quarter century together. Nothing. Zip. I fact, when we are at a party (as we were this weekend) and I see her when she is scanning the room, she doesn’t even pause when her eyes meet. She just looks straight past me. I’m talking not even a polite head nod.
It’s weird because the physical side of or relationship is great once we start. But it’s like there is a wall around her every minute of every day otherwise. And the wall goes back up the second sex is over. I mean, immediately. If I were to ask how it was or what she thought of something I get a look like I’m a telemarketer asking for her social security number.
I know I’m rambling but I NEED to feel wanted. I need to be touched and thought of as more than a “great partner & dad”. I’m a good dude, I’m not unattractive, I’m in shape and take care of myself. And I have explicitly laid this out for her dozens, if not hundreds of times. It’s usually met with anger, which is likely a defense mechanism. Most of the time she eventually agrees to “try harder” or “put in effort” but it’s very sarcastic like “I guess I’ll keep trying to be a good wife”. Then? Nothing. A few weeks will go by and I’ll ask how the changes we both agreed to work on are going and she will blow up. “Why are you always bringing this up? Everything was fine and now this is weird again…” But she literally changed nothing. Zero effort.
Before I rant all day, I’ll wrap it up. I don’t want to split up; I genuinely am crazy in love with her. But Im literally dying on the vine here. It’s crushing me.
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